Searching for my motivation

Lately, I have been struggling to find my motivation, my get up and go. I don't know what it is. I feel like part of me is always thinking of new things, ideas and ways to better myself and the other half of me is just stagnate to move toward those things. I do not know what it is. Everyday I think about what it is that fights me from going forward and holds me back. Sometimes, I think it is fear. Fear of being successful. Fear of discovering something new. Fear of being better. A lot of people talk about acheiving their goals and doing new things, but achieving your goals comes with new challenges and responsibilities. It forces you to be better and to expect more from yourself and at the same time people expect more from you. I am realizing that I have been living in this space between the fear of failure and the fear of success. I do enough not to fail, but I do enough not to fully success or to reach my fully potential. I finally recognized that I am growing tired of it and it is draining me. Eventually, I will have to choose one day or it will be choosen for me. You cannot live life in fear or run away from yourself and your talent because eventually it will catch up to you. I guess my motivation has been the fear of failing, while the fear of success has been holding me back. It's a weird thing, but something I am still trying to figure out. I am still searching for my true motivation and when I find it, beware.